I need some advice.

Ok I am going to a funeral of a students today. His mom is a fellow teacher and a friend and his dad is my preacher. What in the hell do I say to them? I am not good with this stuff (well who the hell really is). Thanks for all the input in advance.

If they look like they're there out of formality and really are having an unpleasant time

"I am sorry about your loss"

Look at the ground.

Wait to be excused.



But if you get a legitimate vibe that they're in a mental state to be comforted, share a funny or touching story with them on the loved one, something you always respected about them, with out patronizing.

Keep it simple. Just say I'm sorry for your loss. He will always be remembered and forever missed.

My deepest condonances to you and your family.

You sound close to the family. Give the mother a hug and a handshake to the father. If he too goes in for the hug him back.

Stay for the entire wake/funeral and sign the book.

So keep it short right? This has been bothering me for over a week. He was battling his thrid round of cancer and I knew this time he was not going to make it. Its pretty sad around here for the kids and its homecoming week. I really feel bad for the kids too. His brother is on the football team and it just sucks.

If your not good at these things then keep it short. Less chance of you making a mistake.

freakzilla316ftw wrote:

If your not good at these things then keep it short. Less chance of you making a mistake.

OK thank you guys very much. I welcome anymore advise from anyone.

soonermark890 wrote:

So keep it short right? This has been bothering me for over a week. He was battling his thrid round of cancer and I knew this time he was not going to make it. Its pretty sad around here for the kids and its homecoming week. I really feel bad for the kids too. His brother is on the football team and it just sucks.

If you feel uncomfortable with the family be there for the students. When kids die it'd tough on their peers. Council them, its hard for anyone to understand when someone does that young. The kids are gonna want to remember their friend. Encourage good memories of him for the kids to talk about. Im 30 and a good portion of my friends have passed on, far too many for someone my age. The best way to get past a death is to fondly remeber the person because you will never get over it you just get past it.

Nobody's good at these things, Sooner. "I'm sorry for your loss. If I can help in any way, please let me know." That's about the best you can do. The other suggestions were just as good.

hardcoreBEE24 wrote:

soonermark890 wrote:

So keep it short right? This has been bothering me for over a week. He was battling his thrid round of cancer and I knew this time he was not going to make it. Its pretty sad around here for the kids and its homecoming week. I really feel bad for the kids too. His brother is on the football team and it just sucks.

If you feel uncomfortable with the family be there for the students. When kids die it'd tough on their peers. Council them, its hard for anyone to understand when someone does that young. The kids are gonna want to remember their friend. Encourage good memories of him for the kids to talk about. Im 30 and a good portion of my friends have passed on, far too many for someone my age. The best way to get past a death is to fondly remeber the person because you will never get over it you just get past it.

Its weird the halls are kinda quiet and its homecoming week. Usually this is the loudest week of the year. The school set up couselors in the library. Thanks for the help hardcore.

4445Frank wrote:

Nobody's good at these things, Sooner. "I'm sorry for your loss. If I can help in any way, please let me know." That's about the best you can do. The other suggestions were just as good.

Thanks. I havent had to deal with a students death before. I just dont know how to deal with this one. You guys are a bunch of help thank you.

Wolfgangsta wrote:

If they look like they're there out of formality and really are having an unpleasant time

"I am sorry about your loss"

Look at the ground.

Wait to be excused.



But if you get a legitimate vibe that they're in a mental state to be comforted, share a funny or touching story with them on the loved one, something you always respected about them, with out patronizing.

This is great advice.

Good advice, Wolf.

boomer sooner wrote:

Wolfgangsta wrote:

If they look like they're there out of formality and really are having an unpleasant time

"I am sorry about your loss"

Look at the ground.

Wait to be excused.



But if you get a legitimate vibe that they're in a mental state to be comforted, share a funny or touching story with them on the loved one, something you always respected about them, with out patronizing.

This is great advice.

Everyone thank you very much. I am about to leave.

That's what were here for.

That was the saddest, funniest, and largest funeral I have ever been to. I talked to the entire family and said what you guys suggested. Thanks again for your help everyone.

There's really no need to have to say a lot Sooner, KISS = keep it short & simple. Give your condolences to the immediate family and offer your assistance if they need it, and when it's appropriate, leave.

If you are close to the family, one important thing is to check up with them down the road. They are probably still in shock and possibly overwhelmed with people trying to help them and ask what they can do...that will slowly die down over the next few weeks and months.

That's when it's good to check in: make them a meal, make a memorial of their child, get them tickets to an event, do something to let them know you and others are still thinking of them.

Gumby wrote:

If you are close to the family, one important thing is to check up with them down the road. They are probably still in shock and possibly overwhelmed with people trying to help them and ask what they can do...that will slowly die down over the next few weeks and months.

That's when it's good to check in: make them a meal, make a memorial of their child, get them tickets to an event, do something to let them know you and others are still thinking of them.

Thanks I will.

What happened to the poor kid?

Wolfgangsta wrote:

What happened to the poor kid?

Cancer. It was his third bout with Leukemia. Its amazing the kid fights it off twice and ends up getting the worst most aggressive form you can. He was an amazing person. I never heard one negative word ever come out of his mouth.

That is sad, but at least it was something the parents were mentally prepared for. When my friend Robbie died just after highschool of a really weird heroin overdose(we couldn't get him to smoke pot in highschool!) it was such a shock.

My wives uncle just died of liver failure, which he knew was coming, and told no one.

Wolfgangsta wrote:

That is sad, but at least it was something the parents were mentally prepared for. When my friend Robbie died just after highschool of a really weird heroin overdose(we couldn't get him to smoke pot in highschool!) it was such a shock.

My wives uncle just died of liver failure, which he knew was coming, and told no one.

Thats sad. The messed up thing about this kid Wolf is that he was diagnosed for the third time and died all within 9 days. I mean how does someone beat cancer twice and then get it a third time?