What is something you wouldn't want the guys to know?

bigbeastcardinal12 wrote:

Bigs03 wrote:

Timmy you reminded me of a great...and horrible...story that happened to me at work a few years ago...

This is something I would never wish on my worst enemy and it's going to be a tad long so if you don't want to read I understand.

Binged on jaeger bombs one night until I was completely shit-canned and had to get up at 6AM the next day to go to work. I made it in, barely, but I was feeling horrible. It was a Friday so my floor was semi-empty thank God, but there were still people in the building for sure.

First of all...I wear boxers...I'm not going to get into an argument about what type of underpants are best...for me it's boxers. I was standing at a file cabinet and felt a fart brewing so I lifted a leg and let'er rip...bad move.

The fart was not a fart at all, it was a stream of juicy, stinky, shit. Don't forget, I wear boxers, which do not catch much of the juicy shit at all. Most of the shit slides down my leg, staining my pants all the way down.

I quickly retreated to the handicapped bathroom stall and stripped down to nothing but my t-shirt. Then I realize I didn't get any napkins to attempt a cleaning job on my pants. I'm butt ass naked except for a t-shirt when I dart from the stall to the sink where I tossed my stained boxers in the trash and grabbed a handful of napkins. Upon returning to the stall I dipped the napkins in the toilet water and tried my best to wipe the shit from my pants. My efforts were mostly futile. The stains were very visible and the stench was unmistakeable.

I reluctantly put my pants back on and returned to work. At that time I rode a bus to and from work in Houston so I could not just hop in my truck and go home to change. I did have some febreze, though, which I used to mask the smell frequently throughout the day.

I worked the next 6 hours or so free-balling it with shit stains up and down my drawers. It was the longest day of my life. I saw and conversed with many people throughout the day and if they noticed my accident they did a good job of hiding their discust.

I'm sure the poor lady I sat next to on the bus ride home had a hunch that I had shat my pants, though.

The moral of the story? Jaeger bomb farts are not a good idea unless you have a change of clothes.

Man I feel bad for you. I would have left sick. That story was hilarious. I love how you put it together. I went through the whole process and felt for you yet lmao the whole story

Nah don't feel bad. It was years ago and I learned a valuable lesson about Jaeger. It's not jeagermeister...there's a fucking jaegerMONSTER in that bottle and it will get yo ass no matter how well you can hold your liquor.

Anyway, I've told the story to a couple people and we get a good laugh out of it every time. It was a horrible experience but very funny when I look back on it.

Oh, and thank God for febreze.

I didn't know we were doing stories

bigbeastcardinal12 wrote:

boomer sooner wrote:

Big East, your story was weak. Reading Twilight would just make me think that the wife and kids are a cover for late night "milk" runs that happened to involve a respite at a truck stop. Not a huge thing. You had my hopes up for something classic.

Bigs03 takes the cake with the poop at work story. One of my best friends has the same story. Disaster seems to follow this guy. His first sexual experience he couldn't get hard because he was too nervous, and was once caught peeping at his neighbor changing clothes by her parents. The dude is Ben Stiller in Something about Mary or Meet the Parents.

Didn't seem like a complete let down. I meant girly type things which I had said five times in this thread. I have had alot of embarrassing moments like that. You called down the thunder well now you got it!
I was 21 years old and got shitty drunk off shots of tequila and L.I. teas. I was puking after getting into it with a bouncer and the cops were pulling up to arrest me on down the road from the club. They cuff me and call an EMT since I had alcohol poisining. The EMT tells the cops to uncuff me because I had to go to the hospital. I was drunk, but played them well. I did puke a little more and passed out in the hospital. When I woke up I was still feeling bad. I didn't know my lil sister was there to pick me up. The nurse wanted to see if I could walk and told me to walk a line. I did that and noticed I had the biggest wood I have ever seen. (in a hospital gown). My lil sister is standing there red as hell and I look down and go oh my God. Then the nurse who was embarrassed for me told me to sit on my bed and they would give me a few minutes to change so I could leave. The whole car ride home I was still sick, but didn't say a word about that erection who since has never appeared as big as that drunken morning.

Right you are. I guess the poop story blew me away.

I don't really do anything too girly, but I do sleep in an old girlfriend's running shorts. There's no significance, just comfort. I wear all of my other shorts for other things and this is the one pair I would never wear in public.

Bigs Im glad i reminded u about that story cause it was great!!!!!

Wolfgangsta wrote:

I shit in my friends bathtub once after getting hammered on a bunch of tequilla and goldslagger and stuff. Shitting sobers you up quick. I spent the next five or ten minutes in the tup trying to jam it all down the drain w my fingers to hide evidence.

Damn Wolf you just spoiled my lunch. Thanks asshole.

Wolfgangsta wrote:

I shit in my friends bathtub once after getting hammered on a bunch of tequilla and goldslagger and stuff. Shitting sobers you up quick. I spent the next five or ten minutes in the tup trying to jam it all down the drain w my fingers to hide evidence.

LMAO! +1 dudebro

Wolfgangsta wrote:

I shit in my friends bathtub once after getting hammered on a bunch of tequilla and goldslagger and stuff. Shitting sobers you up quick. I spent the next five or ten minutes in the tup trying to jam it all down the drain w my fingers to hide evidence.

Wolfgangsta wrote:

I shit in my friends bathtub once after getting hammered on a bunch of tequilla and goldslagger and stuff. Shitting sobers you up quick. I spent the next five or ten minutes in the tup trying to jam it all down the drain w my fingers to hide evidence.

My friend did the same thing but he somehow managed to get shit on the walls. After he opened the door the worst puke/shit smell ever hit me in the face. We ended up taking him home and he had on a pair of boxers which were given to him. When we were helping him up the stairs to his apt. his old neighbor was up smoking on the balcony. Dwayne looked at him and said "I know, I shit my pants!"
I still can't figure how he got the crap on all the different walls?

bigbeastcardinal12 wrote:

Wolfgangsta wrote:

I shit in my friends bathtub once after getting hammered on a bunch of tequilla and goldslagger and stuff. Shitting sobers you up quick. I spent the next five or ten minutes in the tup trying to jam it all down the drain w my fingers to hide evidence.

My friend did the same thing but he somehow managed to get shit on the walls. After he opened the door the worst puke/shit smell ever hit me in the face. We ended up taking him home and he had on a pair of boxers which were given to him. When we were helping him up the stairs to his apt. his old neighbor was up smoking on the balcony. Dwayne looked at him and said "I know, I shit my pants!"
I still can't figure how he got the crap on all the different walls?

One of the funniest lines ever!

boomer sooner wrote:

bigbeastcardinal12 wrote:

Wolfgangsta wrote:

I shit in my friends bathtub once after getting hammered on a bunch of tequilla and goldslagger and stuff. Shitting sobers you up quick. I spent the next five or ten minutes in the tup trying to jam it all down the drain w my fingers to hide evidence.

My friend did the same thing but he somehow managed to get shit on the walls. After he opened the door the worst puke/shit smell ever hit me in the face. We ended up taking him home and he had on a pair of boxers which were given to him. When we were helping him up the stairs to his apt. his old neighbor was up smoking on the balcony. Dwayne looked at him and said "I know, I shit my pants!"
I still can't figure how he got the crap on all the different walls?

One of the funniest lines ever!

Oh it was classic. You should have seen the old guy's face when Dwayne said it. Dwayne had on a hoodie and some boxers and was carrying some shitty jeans balled up in his hands.

Thats shitty

When my mom and I were coming back from a vacation, our cab driver stopped without warning and runs into a doctor's office. He comes back with a look of disappointment and something balled up in his hands. It turns out it was his soiled underwear which he then placed in the trunk next our luggage. He enters the car, and in a foreign accent says, "it was an explosion!" I would have laughed, except I kept thinking about our luggage and the stinch in the car.