I apologize for the following thread, however I need to talk to someone.

This is a boxing site. I know this. However, I have a problem and this is it. My best friend, someone I've known for more years than I care to admit, is dying of lung cancer. In some ways, he's my second father. I've known he's been sick for some time, however he told me and his band members (He's a well known performer.) that he had to have a knee replacement which is why he's been in bed for the past 5 to 6 months. I knew something was going on but I didn't want to admit it. Last Tuesday I ran into his son (My boyhood friend since pre High School days) and he couldn't keep the truth to himself any longer. His father had cancer which had spread from his lungs to his back and his knee. I've been talking with my friend every week since I've been a kid. In some ways, he's responsible for the person I've turned out to be (The good part. :-) I was always able to ask him anything, whether it pertained to show business, women, etc. He had an answer. I think he's keeping his illness secret for insurance reasons and I respect that. I also respect that he and his wife have chosen to keep this problem within the immediate family and only tell them. He's a proud guy who probably doesn't want me to see him in the condition he's in, though I was invited over once. He doesn't live more than a couple of miles away which makes this more frustrating. I'm not insulted though. Another close friend, a fellow band member he travels with, has been kept out of the loop too. I called him recently to see if he knew. When I found out he didn't, I opted not to tell him. I did think it was funny that the "Band Member" thought he was addicted to pain pills. Lol: He didn't know about the cancer and the unbearable pain it brings. I haven't had a coherent talk with my friend for 6 months. He makes sense, and then he goes out again. I think we can lose him any day and the world is about to be a much lonelier place for me. I never dreamed he could be vulnerable to something like this. I guess we guard our heroes from reality until it comes and smacks us in the face. I'm not looking for any solution. This is beyond my control. I can't talk about this to anyone with respect to the family's wishes however I can't keep it inside anymore. It's destroying me and my work days. I'm not looking for sympathy. Just an acknowledgment that someone read this letter and knows how I feel. I don't know whether that makes sense or not, but this is what I've chosen to do to lessen the blow. I'm scared half to death, heartbroken and confused, yet, I know that life comes and gets us all in the end. I think I'll stick to my basic understanding of life to get me through this. If at any time, his family needs my help, I'd be honored to give it to them. Thanks for reading this.

Yep, I know how you feel Frank, at times life doesn't seem fair. I can recall crying like a baby when my father died over 25 years ago. The poor guy had heart problems much of his adult life and died of a massive heart attack @ age 62.

Death and dying are part of life Frank, when your time comes there isn't a damn thing you can do about it, you can be the king or the street sweeper, but no one escapes the grim reaper. Do what you can for your friend and his family, pay your respects when he passes, and then move on.

I feel ya man its not an easy pill to swallow. I just lost a good buddy of mine last week that passed in his sleep due to epilepsy and he was only 30 yrs old and was just starting to make the best of life. All you can due at this point is leave it in gods hands and wish the best for him knowing he wont be in pain suffering anymore when the time does come. I have come to realize the life can be a mother fucker so you have to enjoy every second of it and every second you get to spend with the ones you love cause you never know when it will be the last. I know he wants to keep it private but if he is that much a part of your life you need to let him know that you know and go see him before its too late.

Lost my Dad to lung cancer 4 years ago. When I found it he was sick I flew up to be with him and cared for him in his home until he died (approx 3 months). It was very rough and I still struggle with it.

I can understand a proud person not wanting everyone to witness their illness, it isn't pretty and no one can do anything about it. It changes their personality and robs them of their dignity.

Frank I will say a prayer for you and your friend. One thing that helps me with stuff like this is remembering the good times you have had with your loved one. Also, when it becomes too much I find something to work on to try to take my mind off of it. You should call the family and find out if you can visit him. You will regret it if you do not. I canceled a trip to see my grandfather once. Me and my dad just planned to go see him in a couple of weeks. We then get a call about 4 days later that he died. I still regret not going to see him sooner. I missed my chance. It still makes me sad.

I lost my uncle to pancreatic cancer so I understand what you're going through. I was devastated to see my uncle reduced to such a frail old man, I'll never forget that image of seeing him flopped out on the sofa with tubes coming out of his body. All I can say is just pray for your friend to be comfortable and be there for his son if he ever needs help or someone to talk to.

frank what happened is whats called patients rights and privacy..he apperently w3ished to keep the news to just a very few and if he requested that news to remain just with him and the dr even the immediate family could of been excludedfrom knowing that..out oof deep respect for your friendship the son confided with you..many of us have lost family and great friends to this awfull illness..i would not let the man know that you have knowledge of his illness to protect his sons confidence..you can call innocently like gee i havent heard from you and i hope things are ok etc etc and see what developes from there..glad you were able to get this off your chest on the forum..good luck.

First off hang in there. Second a suggestion. Take an hour, or two, or a weekend, as long as it takes, and write your friend a letter. Tell him all that he has meant to you and remind him of all the wonderful things he has done. Recap your whole life together. It will make you laugh and weep and will be more than a little cathartic. Then give that letter to his son. He'll know what to do with it.

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. I do find that the more work I have, the better I seem to feel. I also arranged a date with an angel voiced 22 year old babe that ain't no angel Figured that may help out things a bit. Joking aside, I'm in a slight state of shock, but as long as I keep reading these letters and keep my feet on the ground, I should be fine. Thanks again and God Bless.