Santorum sounds off on Kony, women's day and atheists in explosive interview!

http://spinthebottlewithdepression.blogspot.com/2012/03/emmery-myers-plays-spin-bottle-one-on.html

Rick Santorum was kind enough to grand me the time to do an interview today, primarily in honor of the opening of my bitching ass blog, but then after we told him today was International Women's Day, and finally convinced him we weren't "totally fucking around right bros???" he wanted to make sure we printed he did the interview to show his solidarity for women. He stressed that like 23 times. And they said he doesn't look at opinion polls. We only had time for a few questions so I wanted to get the most out of them and waste no words.

Emmery Myers - Hi Rick, what up mane?

Santorum - Chillin' n shit you?

EM - Oh I'm straight right now dude, just tryin to get this blog shit going n everything...you know it is. Ok so the first question I want to ask you about since it is Woman's Day and all, do you really hate women?

Santorum - (silent thought for a second)... That is a complicated question. Ultimately, I love women when they act like women, if you know what I am saying. Now the ones who don't act how women are supposed to. It isn't that I hate them. I just everything they stand for fundamentally. Cause they hate America. Wait, what do you mean you're straight right now? You don't have other orientations do you?

EM - Rick I can promise you there will never be a situation no matter what kind of "other orientations" I have I'd ever want to have sex with you. What do you mean act like women?

Santorum - That is good, you had me worried there. Honestly I was kinda sensing the gay radiating off you when I came in. And ever since the gay Borat guy or whatever did that shit to Ron Paul, I am paranoid as shit. But to answer, you know, real women should keep them ovens and ovaries busy! A bun in the oven and a bun in the oven is what I always say. Idle ovaries and idle ovens are the devil's playground.

EM - haha hells yea they are bro...lemme tell you about this one hippie chick with hella gauged ears who could bake some epic brownies if you feel me, she was also a freak, I am talkin naaaast....wait wait wait a minute, you got Gaydar?

Santorum - Next question.

EM - No seriously...you werent like getting vibes or something off me were you?!

(awkward silence)

EM - Soo anyway what you think about this whole Kony 2012 thing going around the internet?

Santorum - That is a complicated thing truly, I think it is something the government should try and control.

EM - The Ugandans?

Santorum - Oh I meant the internet. Sorry. Listen, Sopa is like the Bible, you really gotta read through it and eventually it will make sense. As for Kony ; Generally I am usually always mostly in favor of military intervention in most all cases, most of the time, but not so much here. I mean, this IS the first time we've heard of Kony right? Instead of a full ground war, I'd prefer to send radio controlled missiles into the slave camps full of children. Another thing that gives me pause is I see the liberals getting more up in arms about a military intervention than conservatives, which kinda weirds me the fuck out. Also Uganda isn't a Muslim nation, it is 70% Christian and certainly doesn't need me to tell them not to use condoms. So I really don't know what we would shoot at them over anyway. Between you and me I'd lower the enlistment age in the US a few years myself! But really, if it comes to it and we go to war, ill think of a reason if I really have to....

EM - Do you think it is our place to tell other countries and other people how and what to to think and how to run their governments?

Santorum - Absolutely not. No human has a right to tell any other what to do like that, and this is why I do support interventionism with Muslims.

EM - They're not humans?

Santorum - I DIDN'T SAY THAT! Now you're taking my words out of context and twisting them.The media is always doing this to me.

EM- Eh, also, didn't you say you'd control women?

Santorum - Oh, I was talking about male humans. You know what I mean.

EM - Can you clarify your stance on college? That was pretty controversial.

Santorum - Yea, I didn't mean to say that people shouldn't go to college, or it is snobbish to want to go, but just generally speaking, I mean, it is probably better for America if people don't go to college so much and have their faith destroyed.

EM - Yea, I read you said that you'd like more colleges to teach about the holes in evolution in scientific theory. Can you go into detail about them?

Santorum - yea check out this banana video on youtube.com. But our most compelling evidence is the fact Darwin himself said there is a lack of transitional fossils.

EM - But bananas were cultivated by humans. Also Darwin's book is about 150 years old from the dawn of evolutionary science. Those are not even real arguments....

Santorum - So what, my book is THOUSANDS of years old and completely predates science. Doesn't stop me from believing in it. Also, even if humans did cultivate the banana, it sounds like it was Intelligently Designed then doesn't it? If we intelligently designed bananas, something had to intelligently design us right? Think about it eh?

EM - How about the American Atheists, Inc. putting up that billboard in Pennsylvania referencing the Bible's stance on slavery and God's commandments that slaves should obey their masters?

Santorum - Two part answer ; Firstly, I feel like their billboard is illegal because the Pennsylvania house did vote 2012 as "the year of Bible", so anything inside Pennsylvania that could undermine the Bible goes against the state's established religion. Secondly - While I make it no secret that I believe the erosion of classical Biblical values is what has ruined this country, and I also make it no secret how I stand on minority rights, I am not sure if publicly supporting this particular Bible verse would be received well in 2012. This is one of those things where I'll default to a separation of church and state on, which I fundamentally support. I'll keep my beliefs about human slavery between me and God, and hope America comes around.

all i can do is face-palm to the fact that soo many people vote for santorum
seriously if you are that stupid just fucking kill yourself for the betterment of humanity

you are so LOL

Mitt Romney 2012.

ali when did you land in America and start working for the Romney campaign?

I laughed my ass off Wolf

Hey, atleast we know what Santorum is for and is up front about it. Romney could be a socialist for all we know...the guy can't make a stance and stick with it.

OU wrote:

you are so LOL

I just made a sammich with all the jelly flowing out of this post.

I'm waiting on the release of your "Spin The Bottle With Depression" DVD

No you aint, and when it comes out you gotta buy it like urbody else will.

I made you who you are today. You owe me.

I noticed you are close to that SVP stage were you need to make a decision. You might wanna consider going cue ball before your hairline disappears. Just some friendly advice.

Ive been this bald for years and my hair is so thick(think from my g g g great gramma doing it with a slave) that it takes significantly longer for my hairline to recede

Your hairline can be used as a perfect example of where strikes are illegal in MMA. Where the hair starts, so does the no hit zone.

OU wrote:

That reminds me of the pimpacromie and bitch shirt I rocked from 1998 to about 2003

Has anyone ever told you that you looks like Brock Lesnar's inbred son? Most accurate description possible.

This comes from a place of love, I'm trying to help.

No...I have the muscular mass of Bryan Caraway and Brock Lesnar's imbred son would be 90% viking and 10% penis tat. I understand you're trying to help but id be nice if you could be even a little but funny.

Wolfgangsta wrote:

No...I have the muscular mass of Bryan Caraway and Brock Lesnar's imbred son would be 90% viking and 10% penis tat. I understand you're trying to help but id be nice if you could be even a little but funny.

You must be "wiry" to pack such a one hitter quitter.

I blame good technique and my opponents genetic/nutritional deficiencies

Wolfgangsta wrote:

I blame good technique and my opponents genetic/nutritional deficiencies

Are you saying you struck a mentally retarded person? Even more impressive that you managed to KO someone that was wearing a helmet. The legend grows.

Time for me to get off work, go smoke a blunt, DVR 2 MMA shows and watch another on my laptop. Real talk son. Don't be jelly