http://games.ign.com/articles/121/1213337p1.htmlSeven Annoying Gamers to Avoid This Thanksgiving Don't let your family turn your living room into a nightmare.For most of us, the holidays means spending an abnormal amount of
time with people we don't like because a lineage of blood and bad
decisions have labeled them as "family."
Luckily, groups of smarter people got together in the late 70's and
created video games, so the escapist dream world of pixelated fantasy
and adventure is always right there for the taking. But what happens
when these two worlds collide and the horrible members of your muddled
progeny want to join in on your favorite hobby? Well, chances are things
will be tame and you'll pass some otherwise dreadful time doing
something fun with the fam, but here are the bad eggs to avoid as much
as humanly possible, just to be safe.
The Technological Elitist Asshole
Most Likely: Your sister's (soon to be ex-) boyfriend.No matter how great your gaming setup is, how gigantic your television
is or how loud your speakers are, Technological Elitist Asshole will
come to your house and sh*t on it. He'll bitch that you didn't buy $599
Unobtainium plated Monster cables like he did for his 85 inch
holographic projector hooked up to the same surround sound system that
John Williams has in his house. He'll complain that your couch to
television viewing ratio is not optimal and fawn over phrases like "home
theater" as if he was describing a utopian dreamscape to which all
other planets should be compared. Luckily for us all, he will probably
die alone leaving his cat to inherit a bunch of overpriced trash to claw
up and pee on.
The Consoles Suck, It's Better on PC Guy
Most likely: Your brother who still lives with your parents.For your living room purposes, console gaming is entirely effective and
easy to introduce to guests. Even Grandma gets it. Of course there's no
reason to scoff at the insane amount of customizable settings, tweaks
and interfaces that surround PC gaming to those with a bit of know-how,
but for gather-around-the-TV holiday gaming with the family, nothing
beats plug-and-play gaming. But detached from the usual fares of social
interaction, Consoles Suck, It's Better on PC Guy will regale you with
banal minutiae like "high-res texture packs" and "mouse and keyboard
beats everything" when in reality nobody at your house really cares
because they're playing Mario Kart while stuffed birds burn in the
background.
The Wait, Hold On, Wait, One More Time, One Sec, Hold On Guy
Most likely: Any older relative trying to look cool for the kids.Too stubborn to pass the controller to a more competent player, this
person will refuse to admit that he sucks at games as he tortures the
rest of the room with a never ending loop of death and failure. He's the
gaming equivalent of a drunk guy at a party who sort of kind of maybe
knows the intro to that one song and picks up an acoustic guitar to
publicly humiliate himself and the dozens of virgin ears around him.
Slap this moron in the back of the dome and take back what's rightfully
yours.
The Angry and Disjointed Rage Quitting Family Member
Most likely: Your cousin with the self-diagnosed Aspergers.Nothing says "fun times with the folks!" like the psychotic, screaming
shrills of terror coming from that one cousin or uncle who just can't
seem to grasp the basic fundamentals of the game he's playing. Instead
of stopping and asking for help or simply sitting this one out, he'd
rather tear down the very sanctity of all things happy. Give this
wretched lunatic the boot for the sanity of everyone else around you.
The Incessant Customizer
Most likely: Your little niece, bless her annoying heart.Honey, you're only going to be here for Thanksgiving. Nobody cares if
your in-game character looks exactly like the person you really wish you
were on the inside but $5 Footlongs kept from being part of our shared
reality. Anybody who makes a room full of people sit there and watch
them tweak the finite details of their avatar's nose width, eye color
and custom taunt is a selfish obsessive maniac that should stick to
playing games alone on her phone in the corner.
The Kamikaze Drunk Driver Hell Bent on Team Destruction
Most likely: Your aunt's second husband, you don't have to call him uncle.This person isn't playing video games with you because he wants to
cooperate or win one for the team. No, he's there to wreak havoc and
chaos and generally make the chance of having fun completely impossible
for everybody else involved. He'll drive in the opposite direction, beat
up members of his own squad and probably even physically stand in front
of the television just to make everyone else miserable. Get this guy
drunker so he passes out in a plate of mashed potatoes somewhere.
The Filthy, Filthy Child
Most likely:Any child. Children are disgusting.Not content with relegating his disease to a GameStop demo kiosk, this
disgusting, insipid little simian has no regard for the worth of the
controller he's holding or the Cheeto saliva slime he is leaving behind
in his reckless romp across your once pristine home. What starts as an
innocent generational bond between gamers young and old ends with a flu,
a broken controller and probably a vasectomy appointment.
No matter what happens this Thanksgiving, play games, have fun, eat good
food and try not to argue with those around you. Chances are they
probably don't want to be there either.
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